


Never Let You Go

by daeyeols (sungyeols)



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Idols, M/M, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 06:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungyeols/pseuds/daeyeols
Summary: Sungyoon's tour will be his final act, and the curtains will be drawn down after that.





	Never Let You Go

"How is my son?" his mom's voice booms from his phone the moment he answered her call and he actually has to pull it away from ear or a while.

"I'm fine mom. Tired from practice but I'm fine." Daeyeol reassures her, as he wipes his sweat with the sleeve of his shirt.

"You're always tired recently and you know I worry about you. You're not as young as you used to be honey." The worry is evident on his mom's voice and he can already imagine her face in a frown as she says it. He runs his fingers through his hair.

"I know, I know."

"Have you thought about what I told you? Professor Park says you can join them anytime."

He breathes out a long pause and looks around, the cold air enveloping him as it passes around.

"I... I have thought about it. I'll do it. I'll just go on the Japan Dome Tour, then I'll leave. I've already told the management  and they were fine with it." It feels weird when he's said it out loud, as it feels like a declaration.

He can hear his mother's sigh of relief from the other end.

"That's... that's good. I'm happy for you. You know I'll always be on your side right?"

"Right."

"Would you be coming here at least before you go to Japan?"

"Probably after. Preparations are tight."

"It's fine. At least just let me know when will you be leaving so me and your father can come and visit you in the city."

"Alright. I have to go now mom, I love you. Always take care of yourself."

"You too Daeyeol. Mom loves you so much!"

"Bye mom."

"Bye!"

He ends the call and puts the phone in his pocket, as he leans back on the railing of the rooftop.

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and lights a stick. It's not until he's halfway through his cigarette that he notices Sungyoon leaning back on the other side of the rooftop, pretending to look down on the city, and then he and Daeyeol lock eyes when he looks back.

  
-

  
Daeyeol entered the company when he was 18.

He joined a few days after his birthday, and got in rather quickly. They told him he had the dancing skills they needed, and everything else they can teach him. He was young and standing on stage performing was his dream. He wanted to be an idol. He wanted to hear fans scream his name and root for him. He's not the only one with that dream apparently, as they started off as a handful of trainees in the company. One of them who got in the same batch as him was Choi Sungyoon.

Sungyoon was 16 that time, young and driven and was almost a blank slate to the entertainment industry. If Daeyeol had dancing skills, Sungyoon only had his voice to make up for everything else that he was lacking. He was good, the best among the trainees, and most of them had to use him as a benchmark to do better. Daeyeol never saw him as competition, he saw Sungyoon as somebody he could depend on if ever they debut together. Daeyeol was the oldest trainee at the time so he always assumed the leader post, guiding the other trainees.

Sungyoon was 2 years younger, awkward and quiet, but he did his part helping the other trainees with whatever they needed help with. They all helped each other and grew together, even as years pass by and the trainees they live with come and go. Daeyeol had already lost count ever since the 2nd year and didn't bother ever since.

On the third year of training, the company went and debuted Sungyoon as a soloist. A few months before that they made Sungyoon stop training with them and isolated him, gave him separate lessons, and Daeyeol only got to see him during late nights where Sungyoon was left working inside one of the concentration rooms and he's working hard to hit that specific high note outside of his vocal range.

It left Daeyeol with a confused feeling. What did this person have that he didn't that made him debut first and on his own? He doubted himself for nights without end and he felt uneasy. It even went to the point that he talked to their vocal trainer privately and asked him about it.

"It's not that he's a better singer or a better dancer that's why he gets to debut first." the vocal trainer told him. "The management thinks he's just ready."

 _And I'm not?_ he answers internally, but the words never came out.

He hated Sungyoon for a certain period and had fought with him. Then realized that who he truly hated was himself. He could've pushed himself more, tried better, did better at something and proved something. But it was all in the past now, and things had already turned out as it is.

He still stayed in the company because he loved to dance. He still craved to perform. He wanted the adrenaline. He couldn't really leave Sungyoon. He and the fellow trainees became Sungyoon's backup dancers for all his performances. He was there, from his debut stage to the point he got his first win on his first comeback and to his solo concert, he was dancing in the back giving what he can to make it a good stage.

Despite him being in all of Sungyoon's stages and knowing each other the longest, they never really got past that casual formal conversation stage. The whole ordeal left a veil of awkwardness between them, and it's not like Daeyeol is an extroverted person. He was always quiet and kept to himself most of the time. Sungyoon never tried to do or say anything to break that, and kept his respectful distance.

Sometimes he felt like Sungyoon wanted to say something, but he always tries to leave or avoid it before Sungyoon can even try. He's not sure why.

  
-

  
They're practicing one of the songs for the concert, when the practice door opens and Sungyoon enters with his manager in tow. He attends group practices at least three times a week, as the other days are used to prepare for other things and for his other schedules.  
He's no longer the 16 year old that Daeyeol knew, the one that cried after practice because he got scolded for tripping over his own feet. He has an air around him, serious and professional, and it's like he's at the top of the steps and the rest of the people in the room are just starting to climb.

They dance for hours without end, the choreographer making comments every now and then on what to improve, and they only get to have a break when it's sometime past 3am.

He excuses himself out to get a breath of fresh air, but in reality he'll just smoke a stick in the rooftop. Back then, he swore he would never do it, because it will ruin his voice. He only started it a few months ago, it's not like he'll be singing again anyway.

He's just beginning to smoke when Sungyoon leans on the railing beside him.

"You shouldn't be smoking." the younger comments.

"I'll do whatever what I want with my life, thank you very much." It comes out with a bit of bite in it, and Sungyoon frowns.

"It will ruin your voice."

"Not like it matters anyway. I don't use my voice for a living."

"So you're really leaving like that?" he asks, and Daeyeol puffs away the smoke.

"Like that? I've been here for 7 years. I think that's more than enough."

Sungyoon looks like he's about to say something, but then purses his lips.

"I'm staying until the end of the dome tour, if you're thinking about that. I'm not heartless enough to cause inconvenience to everybody who worked hard for this."

"What about... didn't you say you wanted to sing onstage?"

"That doesn't matter now. It's a dream long overdue."  

Sungyoon heaves a sigh, and he looks down on his feet. Daeyeol returns to smoking his cigarette, the silence between them deafening and the air around them suffocating. Both of them know there's still a lot of words that need to be said, but both of them can't find the way to start.

  
-

  
On Sungyoon's 4th anniversary, it's announced that he'll be holding a Japan Dome Tour. 10 days in 5 venues, and they have been preparing for it even months before. Sungyoon's at the point in his career where he is big enough to fill a dome with fans and keep it running for two days, and the management is maximizing on his fandom power while he still has it.

His birthday will be in the latter half of the dome tour and his 7 year contract ending along with that. The management had already proposed to him to renew and wait for a while, but they've been telling him to wait for a while since years ago that he had already stopped believing it. He's turning 25, and in a few couple of years or even less, he has to enlist in the army already.  

His parents had a friend from their early days who was a professor, and he had gracefully offered him a chance to enter university and work through his merit. It was a big deal for him, to be given a chance like that and at first he felt insulted, and then he realized that his parents were just looking after him and cared for him.

Sungyoon's tour will be his final act, and the curtains will be drawn down after that.

  
-

  
Everybody heads out to Japan a few days before the first concert. All of the staff are on their feet, and the team is continuously practicing, making sure the performances are as flawless. He hasn't really told anybody else about his plan of leaving, except Sungyoon who overheard it and the management.

He acts like nothing is up, occasionally playing around with the other dancers and went out with them sight seeing around the area.

They're in Saitama that day, the first leg of the tour. The stadium is overwhelming, and stepping inside it gave him chills in the back.  
The rest of the day felt like a blur, a flurry of them moving back and forth and practicing and getting ready for the concert. He'd never seen Sungyoon since the dry rehearsal, as expected since he'd be busy with preparations.

The concert started on time, and during the intro Sungyoon was alone on stage, and Daeyeol can't help but watch him from the screen. It's Sungyoon, but it feels like he's somebody else at the same time. Daeyeol never really paid attention to him like this except when they were trainees and he had to see where Sungyoon was wrong so they can work on it. His movements are not as fluid, but definitely better, and he had matured. If it were a young Daeyeol that was in his place right now, he'd probably still be mad at Sungyoon, but as an adult he felt relieved. It felt as if he can leave him alone now since he can already carry himself without falling down and tripping on his feet.

The rest of the concert passed by in a blur, and by the end of it he's tired but adrenalin filled. He's jumpy, and it's like he'd had a gallon of coffee. The team gathers backstage for a job well done for the night, and everybody is called out to go to one of the local restaurants for a meal.

Sungyoon arrives later than everybody, wearing his tour hoodie and a pair of jeans. He still has his makeup and hair on, and everybody come up to him to talk to him. He stays seated, enjoying his Udon, until the man himself plops down on the seat across him.

"Tasty udon?" Sungyoon asks him, and he nods.

"It's good. The unagi is better."

"How's the tour so far for you?" Sungyoon says before digging on his bowl.

"Nice, it's just like your solo concert in korea on a larger scale."

"Would you like to have coffee after this? I saw a cafe around the corner earlier." Sungyoon suddenly propositions, and he's caught off guard. "There's too many people here and I feel crowded."

"Yeah, sure." he says after a while.

They never really talk after that, they just continued eating and there's still another concert the day after, so nobody could really drink a lot. Slowly, the people file out, and Sungyoon excuses himself out first tagging Daeyeol along with him.

The cafe Sungyoon was talking about is a secluded one, and since it's already something past 2am there's just one person inside the cafe studying. They get a spot in the back, near a panel that can easily cover at least Sungyoon.

Daeyeol isn't so sure as to what Sungyoon wants from him. It's been years since they've last been like this and he feels like he has a vague idea but he's just not sure. It was something out of the blue, but he knows it's because Sungyoon knows he's leaving.

"I, actually don't know where to start." Sungyoon says, taking a sip of his coffee. "I have a couple of things to say."

"I have time." he says, leaning back on his chair. "Go on."

"I've thought about it, and I realized that I was unfair this whole time. I took you for granted and was relaxed because I always knew you'd be there for me."  

"But now I won't be."

"Yes, and I don't know. I panicked that day when I heard you talk to your mother. I was so sure you'd always be there so I always thought, maybe next time. Maybe next time I can do it. Maybe next time I'll talk to you again. Maybe next time I'll apologize. I kept on delaying it back then. But then you said you're leaving and it was a hard slap in my face that I don't have all the time in the world. It never crossed in my mind that you’d ever want to stop."

Daeyeol avoids Sungyoon's eyes, because it feels like the moment he meets it they'll both break down.

"I... I wish we didn't turn out like this. I wish we could've just debuted together and I didn't go alone like this and I could always lean on you like I always did. It was the root of everything wasn't it always?" Sungyoon's voice is shaky, the way it always is when he's about to cry. He doesn't though.

"I was so scared of debuting alone. But then I found out you'll be onstage with me. I felt relieved. I'm selfish for wanting to keep you at bay and not letting you achieve your dreams. I knew you were mad at me so I didn't know how to talk to you again and if you really still wanted to. Even though I wanted to so much. But I couldn't because I know it's my fault."

Daeyeol's heart feels like it grew bigger and heavier, and it's weighing him down on his seat. His heart feels like it's expanding to his throat, and he couldn't breathe.

"I'm so sorry." Sungyoon whispers. “I just wanted to say that.”

"I was mad at you, for a certain period. Not really mad actually, it was more of jealousy and frustration and I was upset with a lot of things. But I also knew it was unfair for me to feel like that, it's not like you begged for them to give you the solo career. It wasn’t your fault in the first place. I got past that, but I don't know how to put things back to the way it was before. We drifted apart. That one I am sorry for."

Sungyoon is biting down on his cheek hard, the way he is when he's in deep thought.

"I don't even remember what we fought about before anymore. The last one we had before we became like this." Sungyoon breaks the silence.

"It was something about a mistake during practice or something. I don't remember much. Then it got to the point about the debut…”

Daeyeol never really forgot. Both of them equally said mean things to each other, but they were young and didn’t know any better. If there was any chance he could go back and change that he would’ve.  

They sit in silence after that finishing their coffees. Daeyeol can hear the gears in Sungyoon's head even from where he sits so he steps outside for a smoke break.

Sungyoon follows him out and sits beside him outside.

"Is that all?" Daeyeol asks.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“And what’s that?”

“I want to spend time with you. At least until the last leg. For the last time.”

He takes a long inhale and puffs out the smoke before turning towards Sungyoon.

“Until the last leg.”

“Also stop smoking. It’s bad for you.”

“I can’t promise you that.”

  
-

  
They travel to Osaka for the next venue, and it's the leg of the tour where Sungyoon's energy is even higher than ever. He pulls off a show in high spirits, and keeps everybody up on their toes to keep up with him.

Sungyoon asks him to walk around with him after the concert. They walk around Kyocera Dome together, as they talk about their trainee days. Sungyoon is sullen, despite the performances he gave earlier. It's at that time he realizes Sungyoon is lonely, as much as he is but he always just tries to say otherwise.  

Sungyoon leads him back inside, and walks him to the stage. It's quiet inside, even though there are a couple of people inside that are cleaning up. They walk past them and walk towards the front.

"Stand there." he points to the middle of the stage, out front where Sungyoon usually stands. Even the tape marker is still here reflecting towards him.  

"Sing me a song." he says, sitting down by the edge of the stage.

"What song?"

"Any song! A song that you want to sing the most on stage. Think of it as your debut stage. Or your first concert. I'll be the millions of fans screaming your name.

"Kyocera is too small for my millions of fans." he jokes and Sungyoon makes a face.

"Come on now. Just sing me a song."

"I haven't sung for so long." he admits, and Sungyoon gives him a small smile. Ever since he'd danced for Sungyoon's performances he used to still have vocal classes then, until it gradually stopped and he never really got to sing again.

"That's fine. Just sing again. One last time. Please?" Sungyoon asks of him, and he can't really say no.

He sings a ballad, an old song he knows Sungyoon particularly likes since he sang it a lot during their trainee days. It feels foreign to him, singing again, and he felt like he had to clear his throat a few times.

Sungyoon listens intently, swaying a little, and at that moment Daeyeol feels like his chest is being squeezed and dried out of everything.

He doesn’t want to leave Sungyoon’s side, but at the same time he knows he should because things don’t work that way.

Sungyoon claps after he sings and chants his name, and it feels like he had finally succeeded.    

  
-

  
The third leg of the concert just wrapped up, and both of them are spending their time lying down in Sungyoon's bed in the hotel.

Daeyeol doesn't even remember how they got there and how it led there, all he knows is that during the after dinner party Sungyoon was looking for him, and he got pulled back into the hotel room and Sungyoon was all over him.

They're still both running on the adrenaline from the concert, and Sungyoon hungrily kisses him as his arms loop around Daeyeol's neck. Daeyeol presses himself closer to the younger, close enough that their sweat mixes together and their tongues are dancing inside their mouths. It was everything that he thought it would be and even more, the taste of Sungyoon in his mouth and his smell as he's there against him.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do this." Sungyoon whispers in his ear as he traces circles on his back. Daeyeol is placing kisses on his neck and on his jaw. "My 16 year old self would be happy."

"How did your 16 year old self play this out?"

"We'd be making out, and then you'll be sleeping with me until the morning."

"Then let's do that." Daeyeol sets himself up on the bed, making Sungyoon lay his head on his arm and snuggle up to him.

"Your hair smells good." Daeyeol says as he buries his face in Sungyoon's head. Sungyoon wraps an arm around him and hugs him tighter.

"What do you plan on doing after this?" Sungyoon asks him.

"I plan to take a shower and eat."

"I mean after the tour."

"I'll go to uni and work. My parents know someone who can help me out." he says, playing with Sungyoon's hair.

"Are you fine with that?"

"I've thought about it. I've always loved studying and teaching. Remember I trained you too at some point."

Sungyoon shifts his body and moves up so his head is leveled with Daeyeol's.

"I feel like we're running out of time. I want more time with you." he says, and Daeyeols heart aches a little. “Hug me tighter.”

"We've been together for 7 years, and we spent most of it in the wrong way."

"We're both so stupid."

"We are. We still a have a few days to be stupid together, so there's that."

“I’ll miss you.”

“We’ll still see each other.”

“But it’s not gonna be the same anymore.”  
“Yeah.”

They hug each other in silence, at least until Daeyeol gets up from the bed to smoke in the terrace.

“You promised you’d stop smoking.”

“I didn’t promise anything.”

“It’s bad for you.”

“Do you know why I smoke?” he waves his cigarette in Sungyoon’s direction.

“And why’s that?”

“Because I couldn’t do it before as a trainee. I wasted away my youth as a trainee and I never even got to debut. So I smoke and eat a lot. I drink out, and walk outside without a mask on. I don’t track my weight.”

Sungyoon purses his lips and gets off the bed. It’s not the first time he’s heard Daeyeol say it in one way or another, but he knows it hurts still for Daeyeol.

“Sorry.” he hugs Daeyeol, resting his head on his chest.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“Thank you. For everything. For staying. For forgiving me.” Sungyoon hugs him tighter, and Daeyeol envelops his arms around him.

  
-  


Daeyeol’s birthday falls a day after the Sapporo leg of the tour. The dancers surprise him with a cake and they throw him on the hotel pool as a joke. They eat and play around and during the afternoon Sungyoon takes him out to eat for a while.

“Aren’t you busy?” Daeyeol asks him.

“This is an important event. Any other thing could wait.” Sungyoon says as he takes a bite of the food. “I’d have given you a better birthday celebration but this would have to do for now.”

“This is fine for me.”

“Okay, now make a wish and then blow your birthday candle.” Sungyoon orders as he has his camera already recording everything.

Daeyeol closes his eyes to make a wish, and blows out the candles in front of him.

“What did you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you or else it won’t come true.”

“I wished for you to have a prosperous career.”

“Why did you use your birthday wish on me, dumbass.”

“It’s my birthday I get to do whatever I want.”

They stay indoors for the rest of the day, and Sungyoon wanted to play games with him. He let himself be free of all other thoughts, not worrying and letting Sungyoon do as he pleases. Sungyoon hugs him as he takes a nap, and then kisses him when he woke up and laid down with him talking about nothing. Sungyoon takes a lot of pictures of him, as if he’s going to fade away if he doesn’t.

They don’t acknowledge it, but the bittersweet feeling is there looming above them, knowing that the expiration date is near and their time is about to come to end.

 

-

 

“There’s something I’m about to do right now that I haven’t done in the previous parts of the tour. Usually I take this time to talk about myself or the songs I just performed, but I want to use this time now to do something different. It’s also the last leg of the tour, so it felt like the right time.” Sungyoon says in the mind, his voice echoing in the whole Tokyo Dome. Daeyeol gets up from where he’s sitting and walks towards the audience area, near the stage.

“A lot of people had been with me from the beginning of my career even up to now, giving me unwavering support and strength to be able to go on. During this tour I was able to realize not all these people would be with me, and I had to let them go at some point even if I don’t want to. In my spare time I came up with something, for this special person in my life. He’s a trainee I depended on a lot before, and we’ve had a lot of downs together and yet he’s still there for me. But now, after this concert, he’ll no longer be beside me and will be moving on to greener pastures. As much as I want him to stay, I can’t hold on to him anymore. As a parting gift, this song is for you hyung.”

Daeyeol’s eyes are already tearing up at this point, feet constantly moving walking towards a section where he can see him clearly.

Sungyoon begins strumming on his guitar and Daeyeol could see how his hands are shaking.  

 

“ _Thank you, for leaving memories in my mind._  
_For reminding me before I sleep._  
_For smiling brightly in the picture._  
_For leaving it to me._  
_But why doesn't it fill up?_  
_I want to go back to that time._

 _I'm running to you_  
_Even if I'm out of breath, I can't see you_  
_Oh I need you, you, you_  
_Don't leave, don't leave me and go_ _  
_ I can still feel you.”

 

Daeyeol’s tears won’t stop flowing from where he stands, to the point that his vision is already blurry from the tears he’s been shedding. _  
_

 

 _“It's okay, even if I can't touch you again_  
_You hug me like forever_ _  
For always staying closely beside me._

 _I'm running to you_  
_Even if I'm out of breath, I can't see you_  
_Oh I need you, you, you_  
_Don't leave, don't leave me and go_ _  
I can still feel you._

 _Thank you, for leaving memories in my mind._ _  
_ _For reminding me before I sleep.”_

 

-

 

Daeyeol’s in good spirits that day, having just graduated from university. His friends congratulate him as they pass by and he greets back, even starting a conversation or two.

His mom immediately hugs him when he approached him and his dad pats him in the back.

“Are you both hungry? Let’s eat at that seaside place Dad keeps on mentioning.” he says and his mom loops an arm around his.

“Of course, anything our son wants.”

“When you say it like that you make it seem like I’m your only son.”

“Forgive your mom, Daeyeol-ah.” his dad pipes in. “She just missed doing these things with you. We both do.”

“Please don’t make me cry.”

He stayed in with his parents outside of the city when he left the company, and studied a degree in Education. His parents owned a small chicken restaurant that was a gift by his older brother, and he spent the rest of his time working there and helping out. It was a whole different life from what he led before, but it was refreshing and he enjoyed what he was enjoying. He missed dancing every now and then, so he joined the dance club and made friends there.

He doesn’t get to meet Sungyoon often, and they don’t have the time to talk always since both of them are busy with their own lives. They revolve on two different worlds now, and sometimes he misses the younger. It can’t be helped.

He’s walking along with his parents towards their car when he spots a familiar face, and he tells his parents to go on first.

Sungyoon is leaning against his car in the secluded side of the lot, flowers in his hand. He’s stupidly handsome, hair color different again this time but it suits him and Daeyeol’s smile is so big it hurts his face.

“What are you doing here? I thought you’re in Europe?”

“This is an important event. Any other thing could wait.” he says, handing over the bouquet of flowers in Daeyeol’s direction.

“Congratulations on your graduation.” Sungyoon grins at him and Daeyeol moves forward to give him a hug. Sungyoon buries his face on Daeyeol’s neck and Daeyeol leans in to kiss him on his head.

**Author's Note:**

> huge thank you to ajaeprince for beta reading, also because she wanted me to stick to my promise of not making sungyoon cry again in my fic (۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶
> 
> the song sungyoon dedicated to daeyeol in his concert is golden child's thank you ♡


End file.
